Emprov: Mushroom Kingdom Edition
by Jyuu
Summary: Mario, Bowser, Peach, and Daisy act in a hillarious "Whose Line is it Anyway?" type fic. Written pretty well(I hope!)! R/R please!


A/N: Hey everyone! It's me, JyuuhachiPeach (duh) with a new fanfic! Everybody cheer! *crickets chirp* Damn it… Anyway… This is kinda like Whose Line is it Anyway? but with some games that aren't on the show. That's why it's called Emprov (yes, I know that's not how you spell 'improv', I did that on purpose.) My Microsoft Word is screwed up, so stage directions are in parentheses instead of asterisks. This is my first script fic, so go easy on me. And, the answer to 'what the hell were you on?' is sugar and caffeine, the two wonders of life. I appreciate flames, so if you feel the need, go ahead and flame (and don't blame me if a few of my 'friends' come to your house… *mwahahahaha!!!*). Thanks so much to Ash the Wanderer, who gave me the idea. Sorry if I'm using the names of the games from your fic (GO READ IT AFTER THIS) but I didn't really know the names. R&R please!!!  
  
[ ] is me, which is a different JyuuhachiPeach than the host.  
  
Disclaimer: Disclaimer is at the end in the form of Bowser reading credits.  
  
Announcer voice: Welcome to Emprov, Mushroom Kingdom Edition! On tonight's show, The last Sailor Scout, Mario Mario! (Mario poses like Sailor Moon) Watch them fry, Bowser! (Bowser jumps up and breathes fire, killing the front row) The Mighty Morphing Power Ranger, Princess Daisy! (Daisy jumps up, does a few schnazzy kicks and punches, then curtsies and waves politely) And, last, but not least, Give me the fish of your brother Raul, Princess Peach! (Peach waves, confused with her tagline)  
  
(Lights up on JyuuhachiPeach (JP) who is sitting at her desk)  
  
JP: Welcome to Emprov, Mushroom Kingdom Edition, the show starring your favorite Mario characters and the points don't matter. Yep, the points are like Luigi, they don't matter at all. [O_o HAHAHAHA!!! Sorry, I had to put that in there, for some reason it cracks me up. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAhaha… that's not funny is it.] If you've never seen the show Whose Line is it Anyway, this is where these guys (points to Mario, Bowser, Daisy, and Peach) come up here and make up stuff of the top of their heads for these games.  
  
Peach: But what about that script I saw the guys on that show looking at— (Is cut off by ABC officials clamping a hand over her mouth)  
  
Official: She's obviously delirious.  
  
JP: Right… Anyway, once they finish the game I give them points for no apparent reason, and the winner gets to do a special thing with me. The loser has to handle all the flames this fic gets.  
  
Daisy: But how can you tell who the winner is if the points don't matter?  
  
JP: You dare defy my judgment?? Take this!!! (A wart the size of Texas appears on Daisy's nose)  
  
Daisy: Mph ay, or ayit! Yake bis fof mow!  
  
JP: (with a wave of her hand the wart is gone) Anyone else want to argue? (All four shake their heads hard) Good. Now, let's go to the first game, a game called 'Scenes from a Hat.' This is for all four of you. We had audience members write down strange things, and the best ones got into this hat. I'm going to read them out. The first one is "Mario games no one will buy."  
  
Peach: Bowser captures some princess, and Mario saves the day again!  
  
Mario: Paper Mario meets shredder.  
  
Bowser: Mario's Time Machine 2!  
  
Daisy: Luigi gets left out again!  
  
JP: Ok, next one. "Horrid Mario CDs."  
  
Mario: Bowser in the shower!  
  
Daisy: 6 hours of the sound of Mario going down the pipes in Mushroom Kingdom.  
  
Peach: Tubba Blubba's stomps at his castle when chasing Mario and Bow. Guaranteed to make you think you're going to get eaten.  
  
Bowser: Bow and Mario when Bow's using 'Outta Sight.'  
  
JP: "Mario Games Fan's E-mails."  
  
Mario: Mario_rules_more_than_his_stupid_brother_Luigi1452.  
  
Peach: Peach_is_a_prettier_nicer_politer_princess_than_stupid_old_Daisy33456.  
  
Daisy: Daisy_rulz_more_than_that_bitch_Peach_who_has_no_grammar23562.  
  
Bowser: Bowser_dominates_over_all_so_shut_the_hell_up!  
  
JP: "Better Tortures for Those who Lose at Mario Party."  
  
Mario: Instead of showing just getting eaten by Bubba [Mario Party 1] show having to go through his digestive system and everything.  
  
Peach: Force them to look at Mario Party 1 Koopa. [He continuously rolls his head! Always! AARRRRGGG! And Baby Bowser in MP2! I once had to pause to eat dinner, right as he was saying where Bowser was on the board (this was the final map, so he was host) and he was dancing. I had to watch him dance all through dinner!!!! AARRRGGG!! *deep breath* I'm calm… Well, as calm as I go…]  
  
Daisy: Force them into a stupid fanfic. (has 'coughing' attack)  
  
Bowser: Show them your face! Force them to listen to your guitar playing! Or harmonica! HAHAHA!  
  
JP: Grrr… "Fun Things I Can do to People Who Defy Me."  
  
Mario: Play any SMB game, or Mario Party, or any Mario game where you can pause in the middle, and when an enemy or something is shooting a fireball, pause it right at impact so the character will spend eternity being burned and—(Is cut off by Peach, Daisy, and Bowser tackling him)  
  
Peach, Daisy, Bowser: SHUT UP!!!!!!  
  
JP: (Buzzes the buzzer, indicating game is over) Okay, four billion points to the guy who thought up the last topic, and three billion to Mario for his answer. Minus a zillion from Bowser for that remark about forcing losers of Mario Party to look at, or listen to, me.  
  
Bowser: I can't think of a worse torture for the losers!  
  
JP: Well, I do admit I suck at the guitar, but that's it! And it CHROMETTA!!!!!!!! NOT HARMONICA!!!! GET IT RIGHT!!!!! You don't know how many people get confused! A harmonica cannot play sharps and regulars notes on one thing! It has no slide! And a chrometta is bigger! Geez, even my computer doesn't know what a chrometta is, it's underlined in red! ARRGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Peach: Uh, JyuuhachiPeach? Jyupi-chan?  
  
JP: (deep breath) I'm ok now. Anyway Bowser, how 'bout showing them YOUR face? (Walks up and conks Bowser on the head, then he's suddenly in a pink dress) You regret those remarks now, huh?  
  
Bowser: (cowering) Yes, yes, GET IT OFF!!!!  
  
JP: Hmmm… (waits a bit, taking joy in Bowser's screams of pain/horror) Fine. (waves hand)  
  
Mario: You're sadistic.  
  
JP: And don't you ever forget it! This next game is called "Duet." This is for Bowser and Mario. We need an audience member.  
  
Boo: Me!  
  
Bombette: Me!  
  
Various Mario characters: Me!  
  
JP: Okay, Jes the author it is! Now here's the deal. Bowser and Mario are going to sing a song to/about Jes, along with the Ocarina and harp talents of Saria and Zelda. (Jes walks up on stage and sits on a stool) Start!  
  
Mario: Oh, Jes she is a fine author I will give her that.  
  
Bowser: She kills of Mario, her back I give a pat. (pats)  
  
Mario: Her 'Pawns of Destiny,' now that you should read.  
  
Bowser: It satisfies my daily fanfic need.  
  
Mario: Bowser's so stupid, he promised an X-Box.  
  
Bowser: (not singing and roaring) I'm gonna kill you, and serve your head with lox!  
  
Mario: (nervously) In 'Super Who? Saves the day' I almost cut Luigi's ear.  
  
Bowser: (singing again) We all love Jes… insert word that rhymes here!  
  
JP: (Buzzes buzzer) Okay, I can't take anymore of your singing. A trillion points to Jes (GO READ HER STUFF TOO), and 24 to Bowser for that last line.  
  
Jes: It's over? I'm free? HALLELUIAH!!!!!!!!  
  
Bowser: Why you- (JyuuhachiPeach holds up a hand warningly)  
  
Jes: (runs back to audience at the speed of light)  
  
JP: Next game is called "Face Maker Interviewer." This is for Peach, Daisy, and Mario. Peach and Daisy will each sit on one side of Mario, who is the interviewer. While Mario turns his back to question one, the other will jump around and make faces, weird dances, etc. When Mario turns around you will have to justify what you're doing. Now, I need a job Mario's interviewing for.  
  
Lakilaster: Sewer Worker!  
  
Toad: Pooper-scooper!  
  
My friend Julian: Hillbilly tractor driver!  
  
JP: Hillbilly tractor driver it is. Mario, begin!  
  
Mario: (turns to Peach, in hillbilly voice) Yup, now why would ya be a good tracter driver fer me?  
  
Daisy: (stands on her chair, jumps up and down, playing the invisible guitar)  
  
Peach: (trying not to stare at Daisy, trying to act hillbillyish) Well, I reckon I would drive yer tracter swell, cuz I beens on tracters since I wuz borned.  
  
Mario: That's dandy, yup. Hold yer horses fer a sec. (turns to Daisy)  
  
Daisy: (is stuck strumming the guitar with her eyes closed)  
  
Mario: Um, lady? Hello?  
  
Daisy: Oh, I was, um, doing my traditional tractor-driving warm-up dance! Can't drive a tractor without it!  
  
Mario: I see. Well, how much tracter drivin' you gots with ya?  
  
Peach: (Sticks out her tongue)  
  
JP: Oh, come on, you can do better than that!  
  
Daisy: I've been driving a tractor for 16 years.  
  
Peach: (sticks her hands on her head and sticks her tongue out)  
  
JP: That ain't cutting it!  
  
Mario: Wow, 16 years, that's higher than I can count.  
  
Peach: (Finally throws her hands up and flashes everyone in the audience)  
  
Audience: Yeah! Whoo-hoo!  
  
Mario: (turns, gets a major nosebleed)  
  
JP: (Buzzes buzzer) Okay, agabigizillion [my own special number, don't you dare take it!] points for Peach. Now, time for a commercial break!  
  
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{rip-off of Ash The Wanderer's other fanfics commercial idea, all credit of the idea to him} Like DBZ stories about before (and right after) the Saiya- jins were destroyed? Read Tayla of Astoria, by Sawnya! Warning: some inappropriate scenes. Also: It's 100+ chapters! But it still rocks! Read it today (but read this and my other stuff first!)!  
  
Like comedy, DBZ, and much blowing up of Osama bin Laden? Read SSJ4TOM's fics!  
  
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JyuuhachiPeach: Okay, welcome back to the insane show where these guys make it all up and the points don't matter. The score is- who cares? Our next game is called "Let's make a date." Bowser, Peach, and Mario are all bachelors on a dating show, hoping to be picked by Daisy. They will each have a slip of paper telling them what kind of person they are.  
  
Bowser: (looks at his paper and laughs)  
  
Mario: (looks at his paper and get a "Oh boy" look on his face)  
  
Peach: (looks at hers and gets a look of horror)  
  
JP: Ready? Start!  
  
Daisy: Bachelor Number 1, if you were to take me on a date, where would it be?  
  
Mario: (A NEWSCASTER WHO CONSTANTLY GETS NEWSFLASHES) Well, I would take you to a- This just in! Godzilla is terrorizing Japan! Again! Even though Andrew tells JyuuhachiPeach that Godzilla is a good guy!  
  
JP: That confuses me still.  
  
Daisy: Okay… Bachelor Number 2! What is your favorite food!  
  
Bowser: (ORTHODOX RABBI WITH ICE CUBES IN HIS PANTS) Well, anything kosher, and BRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!! COLD!!! OY GEVAULT THAT'S COLD!!!  
  
Daisy: Right… Bachelor Number 3! What is your favorite movie?  
  
Peach: (SANTA CLAUS ON MARIJUANA) Miracle on 34th Street, Yeah, yeah, that's it. *sniff* Mmm, that stuff in the *red* bag was good. [I mean, uh, it was medicine! Yeah, that's it… {inside j/k}] I like that movie. Yeah, yeah. Ho, ho, ho.  
  
Daisy: Geez, Santa, you need to get off whatever drug you're on.  
  
JP: (buzzes) Close enough. Santa on marijuana. (Peach sits down)  
  
Daisy: Ok… What would you buy me for my birthday, Bachelor number 2?  
  
Bowser: I would get you a wonderful mezuzah [doorpost prayer thing] and a HEATER!!! OY VESMIER!!!! TURN OFF THE AIR!!! FREEEZING!!!!  
  
Daisy: Um, Rabbi, do you need help getting those ice cubes out of your pants?  
  
Bowser: Yes! Get them out!!!!! (Goes and sits down as JyuuhachiPeach buzzes)  
  
Daisy: Alright, Bachelor Number 1, what is your favorite holiday?  
  
Mario: I like St. Pat- This just in! Mario defeats Bowser again!  
  
Daisy: Um, Mr. Reporter, that's hardly a newsflash. (JP buzzes)  
  
Daisy: I think I pick Bachelor Number 1.  
  
JP: Mazel Tov to the happy couple. Now on to our next game, Party Host. This is for all of you. Mario is the host of a party, and is inviting some strange guests. (Hands papers to Daisy, Peach, and Bowser) They will each have to come to the party acting like their character. Mario will have to guess what they each are. Start!  
  
Mario: Let's see, chips, soda, wild monkeys… I think that's about it!  
  
Daisy: Ding Dong!  
  
Mario: A guest! Hello, come in!  
  
Daisy: (A kid who plays waaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyy too much Zelda and is, obviously, obsessed with it) Hi, my name is Daisy, but everyone calls me Link. Cuz if they don't, I kill them.  
  
Mario: Uh… nice to see you, Link…  
  
Daisy: Likewise. (pause) I will kill you, Ganon!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Mario: Allrighty then!  
  
Peach: Ding Dong!  
  
Mario: Oh, another guest! How ever-so-strange that they all come at the same time! Come in, come in!  
  
Peach: (Constipated Vegeta) Baka woman, making me come to this shimatta party… Ugh, where's your bathroom?  
  
Mario: Nice to see ya, it's down there to the left. (points)  
  
Daisy: (pulls out three 'guidebooks' and hugs them, sighing dreamily, a la Penelope Tait [Amanda Show]) Versus Books… best OoT book I bought… [So frickin true! ( OK Sara, I borrowed it from you, didn't buy it. Same dif.)]  
  
Mario: Okie dokie! We're just waiting on one more guest!  
  
Bowser: Ding Dong!  
  
Mario: Wow! What a coincidence! *wink wink* Come on in!  
  
Bowser: (Sailor Moon) In the name of the moon, I will greet you! Hello! (Poses)  
  
Mario: Ok Sailor Bowser! Can I get you anything to drink?  
  
JP: (Buzzes) Ah, that was scaring me. Sit down Bowser!  
  
Bowser: I will fight for peace, justice, and love! Oh wait, no I won't, I'm Bowser. In the name of the moon, I will kidnap Peach!  
  
JP: Shut up, the game is still going on!  
  
Peach: (Starts doing one-finger push ups) Must… get… strong… kill… Kakarrot… Oohh… (runs off to the 'bathroom')  
  
Mario: Take your time, Vegeta!  
  
JP: Not all of it, but close.  
  
Daisy: (sees a 'pot') Hiyah! (pulls a 'sword' out of the 'sheath' on her back)  
  
Mario: What are you doing?  
  
Daisy: (breaks the 'pot' with her 'sword') Aww, no rupees!  
  
Mario: Listen, kid. This is real life, not Zelda! So stop it!  
  
JP: (Buzzes) I never knew Daisy played it!  
  
Daisy: You betcha! I beat OoT in two weeks!  
  
JP: Okay, I think it's time for a commercial break!  
  
Bowser: Think, my ass! It says so on your note card.  
  
JP: Whatever.  
  
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Ever wonder what the palace would be like if Peach took karate lessons? What if Mario and Luigi got stuck in a TV? Read Robin Lee's stuff today!  
  
What was it like getting your first MarioKart64 Kart? And what happens when Gombario and Luigi mess with Trashy T? Read BearKarter's works today!  
  
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JyuuhachiPeach: Welcome back to Emprov! This is the show where these unfortunate game characters make everything up, and the points don't matter! These points are just like the 2001 Devil Rays baseball team. Didn't matter at all in the MLB. What were they, like 40-81? Tonight's winner is, Daisy!! The loser is Peach, so if you must flame flame her. She can toast my marshmallows! So, Daisy gets to hit the buzzer while these three do a hoedown with me. Now, audience, we need an idea.  
  
Kooper: Enemies!  
  
Toad: Items!  
  
A Shy Guy: Games!  
  
JP: Okay, enemies it is. We will sing a song about those pesky Mario enemies. We have two special guest musicians, so if you're ready Saria, Zelda, Zora Link, and organ grinder, take it away! (The Whose Line hoedown music plays)  
  
Mario: Oh--- in every game, there are bad guys to defeat. At the end of every world, a boss to fight and meet. Shy Guys, Koopas, Stalchildren [no one said he couldn't mix games!] galore, evil guys like Bowser keep on sending more!  
  
(During all this Daisy is constantly buzzing and using her newfound power)  
  
Peach: Oh we work all night and work all day to keep evil at bay, they cause mass destruction, anger and dismay. Bad guys send in Goombas, Will Heads, and gack! Pokemon, it's a good thing we have Mario for us to count on!  
  
Daisy: Is that correct grammar?  
  
Peach: Do I care?  
  
JP: *Ahem!* Oh, when I play any game, something is in my way, if it isn't a Koopa or Alex, it's Ganon taking Zelda away. (Zelda nods her head in agreement) But luckily there's a hero, Isaac, Link, or Mario, cuz everyone knows that these bad guys have to go!  
  
Bowser: I for one, think us bad guys have got it going on, we take great pleasure in finding people to pick on, JyuuhachiPeach is a dumdum, for hating us so, long live evil! Jyupi has to go! [ever notice how someone always disses Drew Carey?]  
  
JP: Allright, and we'll be back with more Emprov after these commercials. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Want a confusing but addicting romance/adventure Zelda fic? Read Legend of Link: Lucky Number 13 today! Warning: Major lemons at points and can be confusing as it's from Link's POV.Want the possibly best DBZ fic out there? Read Cosmic Crisis 1,2,3, and 4 by Nekochan today at dragonworldz.net! It might not be up yet, but when it is read it!!! It rocks!!! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ JP: Welcome back! Tonight Bowser will read the disclaimer as a kid on AIM! Go!  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Bowser: mario chars Blong 2 nintendo. LOL! whooz line is it NEway Blongs 2 jyuuhachipeach, j/k, j/k! whooz line Blongs 2 abc. Zelda Blongs 2 nintendo 2, and Nething else she might mention Blongs 2 their separate ppl. the actors on whooz line do actually make the sutf ^ as far as jp knows, the part she put in there is false. ^_^ all the things we made up, i.e. funny emails, horrible games, etc are jp's. & Ne authors or fics she mentioned Blong 2 their separate ppl. g2g, ttyl! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
For a translated Disclaimer, if you care, e-mail me at geniusbakagirl@comcast.net.  
  
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Yay! I finished it!! Finally! I worked on this for about a month. I'm coming out with a few more Emprovs, Zelda, DBZ, Broken Sky, Golden Sun, Zoids CC and regular… whew, I'm gonna be busy! Pleeeease review!  
  
~Jyupi-chan 


End file.
